Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Blog Your Heart!

Hello

So as most of my follows here will know I love to craft and so when time is available to me I peruse the blogs around blogging land..

I have read and sadly at times I forget to leave a comment, I am sure I am not the only one that tends to do this, I need to change this, maybe it will be one of my resolutions for next year..

One of the blogs that I love to peruse is Stephanie Howell, she is as true as it comes and as sweet as can be and I adore her sense of humor and honesty..

She wrote a blog post the other day that was true and honest and I loved reading every bit of it, so much so, I have chosen to do the same on this little blog that normally does not see too much attention.. to view her blog post just click on the icon below..

http://www.stephaniehowell.com/my_weblog/2014/10/blog-your-heart.html 

She states to blog authentically, whatever is truly on your mind, to not judge, no rude remarks/comments, no digs and most of all if you feel that blog posts are whining then don't read...just know that it is honest and straight from the heart...she has a link up that you can add your blog post..

So here goes mine from the heart..

1. At present, I feel as though the wheels are going to fall off in my life, everyone has this feeling at times, it is like I want to hide from the world as everyone seems to want a little something from me and I am running out of pieces of me..

2.  I am about to loose someone that I love so dearly and it is breaking me in two, my Uncle who has been so strong and fought rotten Cancer for some years, it is eating away at him and I feel angry and hatred towards a disease that is not just taking him away from me, but his own family and extended ones...every time the phone rings my heart skips a beat, I don't want him to go and I am trying to learn to find peace with what is looming...it happens in life I know, but when you are the one experiencing it, it tears at you incredibly..

3. Work at times can be stressful, we all get through, but coming home to more stress is taking it's toll, our family have experienced so much medical issues this year and I have to keep looking past the bad and keep telling myself that someone else out there is having more of a rough time then ours, I am trying but it is hard, I need a new year to start and be a happier one..

4. My mojo for crafting is not there, I sit to craft, I have a heck of a load of product and I just sit and look at it and nothing comes to me to create, I am frustrated, I am hating myself being this way, the more I try the worst it becomes, then I don't try and it still does not happen, I have tried so many different avenues, I want to craft but why is it so hard at present, I am normally a quick card maker and I feel like what I am struggling to produce at present is less then acceptable...

5. With my own medical issues, I am finding it really hard to stay on top of my own house work, not having the mojo to craft is not there, but also not having the energy or incline to clean this house that really needs it is just as frustrating, I look around and feel like it is caving in on me and I am a failure!

6.  I have pet peeves, I email people, I get that we are all busy that things interupt our lives, lots of little things prevent emails being returned, I totally get that, but should I have to follow up with several emails just to get the original answered, especially when I have taken the time out of my day/s to email...

7. I worry, worry a lot and wear my heart on my sleeve, I over think and at times I am my own worst enemy, how do you change a life time of bad habits..

8.  I am not sleeping well, last night I got to sleep at 4am, my mind just keeps going, does anyone else have this issue?

9. My Mum amazes me with her ailments of Parkinson's Disease and Osteo in the back, that she is now so bent over it is cruel to watch and see at times she struggles, but this does not stop her, she gets up each and every day and faces life head on, has a beautiful garden that I am immensely jealous of..but I have pangs in the heart and water in the eyes, I feel with each and everyday she is slipping away..I cry at times and I know that is healthy, but it hurts, I embrace each moment I can with her..

10. I miss my Roly Boy (dog) he was the love of my life, not going on to have children, I feel as though I have lost a child, the heart hurts, I know with time it will heal, but will it fully knowing he was my boy, I have had animals in my life, but he touched me in a way that no other animal had, we had a bond and still now after months down the track I long and look for him...tears are swelling typing this..

11.  I want to loose weight, but don't know where to start, I am not a gym type of person and struggle to walk, paranoid everyone that drives past says look at that fat chick, I know sounds ridiculous, I want to learn to eat more healthy but I am a fussy eater and don't even know where to begin to find recipes, I don't want to do weight watchers or slimming diets, I don't believe in them, I believe in doing it the proper way and on my own...

12. I am almost 40 and it scares the living crap out of me, 30 I seem to handle really well and was like it is just a number, I know 40 is just a number, but it is a scary number, not sure how I will celebrate or if I will just hibernate from it and hope it passes by LOL..

So there we have it, most of you may find this post depressing or negative, but it is what is from my heart and what is going on, what my true feelings are, I know there is a lot of positive too and maybe I will write a more positive blog post..

Read if you will, but please be kind in commenting, this is me being honest and well documenting in some sort of fashion, maybe this will help you too, maybe this is part of healing process, who knows, this is not to be read as winging it is from the heart as Steph says, there are to be no snarky remarks and being hurtful, it is a process for us all and one in which we either do or don't..

I have read a lot of the other blogs and they are all so inspiring, embracing and sharing and hopefully bringing some sort of cheering and compassion to each other, lets face it, we all need to be a lot more kinder with each other..

I hope you will think about speaking from the heart and sharing...

Hugs for now and yes I have decided I will be back with a positive post :)



18 comments:

  1. Joy.... thank you for opening your heart.... I know it must be hard. I really wish I could meet you and give you a big hug. wishing you good things in the future. xxxx

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    1. Thank you Dawn, you are my biggest supporters at times and I love you so much, we are going to meet I am sure of it and it will be more then just one hug hun :)

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  2. Oh Joy, I knew you were going through some tough times but not as much as this. No one should be dealing with all of this crap all at the same time. I wish I could hug you right now.

    I hope you are getting the support and love that you need. I know I am on the other side of the world, but if there is anything I can do for you, please do ask.

    Re losing weight. We decided a couple of years back that we needed to get to a "normal" way of eating so that we weren't dieting all the time! We did a few small things that were manageable - had at least half our plate full of veg, cut down on the fatty meats and eat more fish and seafood. We completely cut out those naughty meals like roast dinners and no more takeaways with all the trimmings! Our weights are now stable and haven't needed to diet for years!

    Please also take heart that you will NEVER be as old as me too - 47 next year!!

    Biggest hugs, Mary xxxx

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    1. Oh Mary I love you so much girl, you made me cry, your friendship this past year has meant the world, I long for the day that I visit England to visit you, thank you for being there xx

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  3. I knew about some of the medical issues that you and your loved ones have, and about Roly, and I suspected that life hasn't been treating you too well lately. I love that you had the courage to share it with us and I feel privileged to be granted this knowledge. Thank you.
    By the way, it doesn't matter how someone perceives it, as speaking from the heart, whinging or whatever. It's your blog and you have a full right to it. Do what makes you happier and the people important to you will always be there to listen :)

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    1. Thank you Iwona for you supportive comment, means a lot and you are so true, this is my space and I have embraced it well I feel :) thanks for being there xx

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  4. Sending you the biggest hug possible, Joy. I completely understand quite a few of your challenges listed here and my heart goes out to you. I know it's tough, especially the illness of you and your family. I recently started struggling to get to sleep, too. I also have chickens that insist on waking me at about 4.30am, so it's a double-whammy! Roly was a gorgeous dog, I was so sad when he died. I'm 45. I can tell you that 40 is pretty cool, and I still don't feel "old" or even "middle-aged" yet (even though I can see those wrinkles getting deeper). Age really is just a number. Don't worry about the housework, you'll get back to it eventually, when you're feeling better. On the weight, I do have some ideas, they're the same as most of the healthy eating tips out there. I can expand if you want, but basically managing weight usually means a change - better choices, conscious choices to live a healthier life. Something that I learned is that weight loss is 80% food and 20% exercise, so the good news is that you can do it without much exercise if you really don't want to do it. A little exercise is good for your health (physically and mentally). I hope you receive the support you need. Thank-you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you so much for your honesty, support and hug, all most welcome :) expand away I am open to all kinds of help, hugs

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  5. It is going to get better. I promise. I hate that you are having to experience all of this at once and I wish I could give you a big hug and HELP in some way. For now I'll have to settle for sending you love, joy, support, and prayers. xoxo

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    1. Steph you are right it will get better, trying to stay focused on that, I would love that big old hug from you, I love and adore you, so happy that our paths have crossed, sending hugs all the way to Italy to you too xx

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  6. I hope that you have found it cathartic to lay it all out there hun, I admire that you have. It can be hard when people don't realise the extent of what you are going through, the big things and the little things. Thanks for always being there when I need to vent, you know I'm here for you! PS we might just have to meet in Shepparton and paint the town red for your big 4-0!!! ;)

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  7. Joy, it sounds like you are going through a heck of a lot right now! I'm sorry you're dealing with so many things right now. Big hugs! Thank you for sharing your heart!
    It is understandable to not have any mojo when there are so many things tearing at your heart and mind. The year my mom passed away I lost all will to create. It just was not there. But it will come back. Just give yourself time. Focus on being kind to yourself, taking time to do things that bring happiness to your heart, and just do the bare minimum as far as creative assignments go.
    As far as cooking healthy foods, have you tried searching Pinterest or other sites for recipes using things you like to eat? Maybe choosing a few things you like, but finding new ways to prepare them would help. Or try sneaking in some healthier items in your normal recipes, or trying to exchange some ingredients for a healthier option? If you like smoothies, there are a million different ways to prepare them, and they pack a nutritional punch and are super easy for breakfast, lunch, or even dinner. I sometimes make them along with a grilled cheese or something for dinner when I don't have time to cook much else. Add chia seeds to them to help you stay full longer.
    Hugs, girl. I pray things will be better for you soon! And by the way, 40 isn't old! I'm only two years behind you ;)

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  8. Joy, you have shared from your heart and given us a glimpse of all you are dealing with. You are dealing with so much loss and your heart hasn't mended yet from losing Roly. I lovingly suggest you share what you are experiencing with your family doctor. Perhaps medication for a while can help you through this rough patch. You deserve to feel better. Right now you must be kind to yourself, take care of the things you can and forgive yourself for what you see as shortcomings. You are loved and cared about by so many!! Biggest hugs, Judy

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  9. You are fully entitled to purge your feelings in any way that you want. Everyone needs an outlet, we'd all go insane without it. Sometimes just yelling at your computer screen while you're typing is the way. Whatever works. You are having avery rough year...losing are the thought of losing a loved one is so incredibly hard. There are no easy solutions...just getting through the day is sometimes a victory. When you aren't feeling well or sleeping well (brother, do I know this), every little (or big) thing is magnified which makes it hard to cope or create. What I'm trying to say is, go ahead and vent, get it off your chest...someone out there may have a good solution, some will only read and commiserate. Most will know pretty much how you feel because they've been there, done that. If it makes you feel better, do it. Sending you positive thoughts...to help you get through this tough time.

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  10. Sweet Joy, Bravo for baring your soul! I hope getting these feelings down on paper has a somewhat cathartic effect for you. I can imagine just how big that void is with out Roly - it's a cliche but time will help and one day you will remember and smile.

    My heart is with you as you cope with everything, strength will come from somewhere and you will endure, I don't know you personally but feel through following you and your work that I do "know you" - crikey, does that make sense? You are a tremendous artist and person - You are JOY in every sense. Please take care of yourself. Janet xx

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  11. Sorry to hear of all the sad things you've been experiencing, with the loss of your beloved pet, a loved one who is very ill, and other health issues in your family. When things like that are weighing you down, it's almost impossible to do even just the necessities -- go to work, do the laundry, get groceries. I encourage you to be kind to yourself. To find things to help when you can't sleep. I've sometimes listened to audio books, or podcasts, or environmental sounds (like waves or rain) to help my brain quiet down. As far as the weight thing -- I've been there. My husband and I (mid-fifties and mid-forties, respectively) have just lost quite a bit of weight primarily by cutting calories and trying to eat healthier food. There's a blog I read called Reflections of a Grady Doctor and she says you lose weight in the kitchen and get fit in the gym. :-) But when you're already under stress, adding this to your "plate" might be too much right now.

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  12. You don't know how much I wish I could have jumped on a plane and flown over with lots of hugs after reading your post. So I'm sending loads telepathically!!! I think its great to get all of these things out in the open and it helps so much to say (or write them) out loud instead of going over them again and again in your mind. I've only had two people die close to me. One was my father suddenly last year and unfortunately one was a four year girl that I'd know since she was a baby and she was raped and murdered. That was nearly six years ago and it still makes me cry everytime I think about her. I can't imagine though what it would be like to have someone slowly succumbing to a disease and not being able to stop it. I really feel for you as you obviously have a lot going on with your life as well. I'm not in the best place myself at the moment but keep looking forward to each morning and thinking about a new day when I get out of bed. And also the fact that time is always moving, so hopefully what is horrible at the moment will have finished at some point. I really hope you have some wonderful friends to support you, you certainly have a lot of bloggie friends!! Look after yourself and blog your heart out whenever you like, it might really help you and we are always here to listen.

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  13. I feel so much for you Joy! You did so well to express your feelings :) I am experiencing some similar feelings at the moment, so I can relate. I've been feeling really anxious and get overwhelmed by normal things like keeping the house clean and I don't go to work, so I don't have an excuse! I have a tea towel that says 'A clean house is a sign of a wasted life!' I haven't been walking our dogs, because I find them so much more challenging than our previous 2, much missed, geriatric dogs. I used to live on 3-4 hours sleep a night and was basically a total mess - unable to cope with anything! I finally have a mixture of medication that helps me have a relaxed sleep and now I can't believe how I survived. So , the right medication can help (not sleeping tablets). Every day I promise I will start a diet and then put it off. (By the way, Lyndal has been doing the Michelle Bridges diet and looks great - she says the food is yum - I am thinking of doing it when we get back from O/S). I am WAY older than you!!! 40 is a wonderful number and you are a wonderful, kind person! So please be kind to yourself and vent whenever you need to! big hugs Jenny

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